50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat
Canadians plant gardens

40° Fahrenheit (4.4° C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Canadians sunbathe

35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
Italian cars won’t start
Canadians drive with the windows down

32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C)
Distilled water freezes
Canadian water gets thicker

0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat
Canadians have the last cookout of the season
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Team Coach
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God

Team Captain
Leaps short buildings with single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God

Assistance Captain
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is granted    
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They always wear protection
They have great hands
They are used to scoring
They have great stamina
They find the opening and get it in
They never miss the target
They know how to use their wood
They have long sticks
They know when to play rough
Because baseball players only know how to [...]

“Don’t sweat it, kid — we’re just sending you down to the minors for a few weeks.”
“Our players never take painkiller injections.”
“I don’t care if I am not scoring, so long as the team is winning.”
“Honest coach, I only had two beers last night.”
“Don’t worry, my roommate is a really [...]